u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms
So I am socially required to shave my legs and armpits but white boys aren’t socially required to shave their stringy greasy failed mini moustaches?
my goal in life is to be so hot that people can’t pronounce words right when they’re trying to talk to me
have you ever started crying for one reason then end up crying about every possible thing wrong with your life
i hate small talk
tell me about how lonely you are or tell me about why you keep waking up in the morning or talk to me about your mum’s eyes and your dad’s laugh. I don’t care about the weather and you don’t care about how my job’s going.
have you ever stopped liking somebody that you liked a lot and suddenly notice that they are a shitty person and realize how blinded you were by how much you liked them